What would I be if I wasn't......STUCK IN A RUT?

I've decided today to post about what I would and could have been if I wasn't who I am today....essentially that means sitting in my office behind closed doors, doing nothing of really any importance and honestly, no one really cares...

I'll explain why, possibly within my next 3 postings but here in this one, this is not about that...this is about who I could have been and would have liked to be...

1) A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE

No, I'm not talking about the peanut-earning no-good crappy sports people we have on our shores..

And Of course this is my first option...what would I be without sports? Certainly anyone who knows and have seen me can conclude that my physique represents nothing of what a professional athlete should look like, except for maybe WWE Rick Flair (the old version)

But having said that, this is about what I COULD HAVE BEEN, so nothing of my current state is valid here.

Imagine playing baseball or basketball everyday...sweating it out on the courts...travelling from state to state with the team, discussing strategy, watching tapes on the opposing teams....AND ACTUALLY GETTING PAID TONNES OF BUCKS....LOVE IT...

2) A COMEDIAN

I've always dreamed of having my own comedy channel or talk show...it all started when I actually wanted to propose to my school that they let me "go on air" once a week over the school PA system and just TALK COCK for an hour, or maybe 30 minutes...

How cool is that?

Well that never happened...I didn't think they would have let me anyway...

But yes, I'd grab at that chance even now...if by some strange twist of fate I get to do something like that on national radio, that would be so so awesome...

Something I read in the "blink" book just triggered a distant memory of something my Secondary School Teacher once told me...

I remember one day we were all doing classroom cleaning...it was one of those "bo liao" activities which the students had to do to kill time after exams...and it's all because the teachers were worried we were spending too much time playing "Western Bar" or "Kungfu" handheld games...

I crept up on my friend from behind, gave the wet towel I was holding several quick twirls, and unleashed a powerful "mid air" ninja hurricane flick at his arse...

"KAPEAK!!!!"

It was loud...I didn't think it was too painful but it certainly left a big wet stain on his candy sweet arse cheeks...

In the midst of the loud guffaws and maniac laughter that followed from all my friends around me, I spotted my teacher standing about 5 steps away to the right, and apparently having spotted the entire incident...damn...

I didn't think my right ear could have survived the oncoming onslaught...but the tirade from my teacher ended with this : YOU SHOULD NEVER MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH AT OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPENSE"

Hmm...quite the contrary to Mr Gladwell because here's what he wrote in his book : "In order to make somebody laugh, you have to be interesting, and in order to be interesting, you have to do things that are MEAN. Comedy comes out of anger, and interest comes out of angry; otherwise there is no conflict"

I love making people laugh..and I fully agree with Mr Gladwell...and that's probably why Li-Anne always calls me MEAN...but do I sense a tinge of sniggering there?

To all those people out there whom I've ever hurt your feelings either by something I did to you or something I said to you....DAMN IT WAS FUNNY!! (I'm sorry...)

3) RACE CAR DRIVER

High Risk Manuevers, Intuition for overtaking and squeezing into the tiniest of cracks between road hogs, love for excessive speed...

I'd be rich if I've gotten $1 for every time someone tells me how nauseating they feel after riding in my car...

No...it's not bad driving....it's about getting to your destination quickly and with finese....

Oh let's not forget the "AND ACTUALLY GETTING PAID TONNES OF BUCKS"

Yes, I'm daydreaming RIGHT NOW in my office....it's probably the most productive thing I'm going to be doing today...

Need to keep my mind spinning unless I can find 3 more "legs" and have a mahjong game right now...mahjong cures ALZHEIMER, so it should do wonders for my already-starting to rot brain...