No...I'm not going through a mid-life crisis...neither does this have anything to do with the financial crisis or that I'm hearing there's going to be some serious retrenchment in the coming months in my company...
In fact, I'm clearly thrilled to the bone that our impending move to our new place is but several weeks away. I'll write more about this in my next post but this one's about my birthday.
Somehow, it took me quite a while to realise that life really sucks when you're trying to gain the acceptance of someone...the person in question here is my dad. Not to mention tiring, emotionally sapping and a total drain on the soul.
I mean...it's like growing up in his likeness...being taught the values and ways of the world thru his "bible" and then when you're old enough to decide and think for yourself, almost everything you do seems to come into question and punctuated with a look of disapproval or disdain.
I'm tired...very tired....for crying out loud...i'm 32 this year...have a lovely wife and two kids....a stable job....
I'm sure I've gotta be doing something right...
I'm tired...really tired....
My mum thinks it's because he loves me and I'll always be that little boy in his eyes....sure...
For once...I'd really like to hear him say that he's proud of me....
Primary School - coming up tops in class at PSLE after having to assimmilate into the S'pore education system in mid Primary 5
Secondary School - ace-ing my 'O' levels when he thought I was spending too much time playing computer games
Junior College - ace-ing my 'A' levels after practically flunking my prelims 2 months before the 'A's" and having hormonal-surges, leading to multiple girlfrens at any one time...
NUS - getting hired into GE 4 months before I even graduated and when I was 90% hostelite and 10% student for the entire 4 years of my undergraduate life (and I'm still here after 7 years...)
HELL YEAH I like to do things my way.....I may not be the exact conformist you want me to be but I deliver....EVERYTIME...
I'm done trying to make him proud of me....maybe he is proud but then again maybe someone needs to take him through a course called "Parenting in the 21st century"
As I watched Terelle dance across the living room yesterday, I said a silent prayer...that never, ever will I subject my children to what I have had to live with all these years...God help me...
I love my kids...I will tell them that....I'm proud of my kids....I will tell them that....
My birthday yesterday ended with a nice Durian cake, but most importantly, it's with the people I love and who care about how I feel inside.
RB : Thank You for showing me that my 32nd birthday is not so bad after all.
Thane baby : I'm sorry we didn't include you in this picture...you were sleeping so soundly, we didn't want to turn you into a Grouch by waking you....Daddy promise we'll go take a picture today with a nice big birthday icecream and you'll definitely be in that one.
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